The Good Stuff!

Yeah yeah, post all that things. But do you really think i would care. i put it all in the blog so that i can actually look at you guys and wanna be best friends still. I don't want my sisters giving me advices. I just wanted to pretend that this blog here is always ready to listen / submit everything i say!

Don't you think i wanna have friends, best friends. you think i like saying i don't have friends?
You think i wanna be emo? You think i am emo?
How ironic. After all the things i posted, you chat about the same thing?

I'm sorry, i use bill. And sometimes i don't like being on the phone for 2 hours and tell about what we bought like we used to. Cause i feel used.

Kak Athi: Awak on the phone 2 jam siape yg call?
Me: Jainibah.
Kak Athi: Knape asik awak je yg call? Just because diorg gune credit diorg je jimat credit? Awak gune, bill naik xpe ke?

Not like it was because of her, but btol la jugak. Just because im using bill why do I always have to call? And i want you guys to save credit pon so, no need to waste it all on me. Fina, bukan u used to like send "CALL ME NOW!" ke? Plus, you guys don't even talk to me anymore. I mean, we won't have anything to talk about anymore What am i supposed to do? Why do i always have to start a topic.
Hey, i still go to u guys don't i? I still wanna hang out with you guys, it's fun to hang out with you guys.
I never said i was always right. Like me not being able to go out cause im grounded. That's my fault wasn't it?

But would it kill you to tell?

I'd rather say, 'ALAAAAA, NAK PERGI JUGAK JUGAK!!!!'
rather than

"Semalam nmpk budak yg pki baju pink tu?"
"Budak pki baju pink? Kat mane?"
"KLCC"
"Oh."
"Oh and cerite semalam tu cool gile kot!"
"*complete know-nothing-at-all." So i don't know what to say.

But seriously, i was pissed when u guys walked up. You guys probably didn't notice that i just wiped my tears. I don't wanna look at you guys after i cried. Yeah, i was pissed with you guys too. But i always tell myself, what had happened already happened. I'm sorry i don't like being left out.

Can i say it's me against the world here? Well, not the whole word. Just mine.
It feels like the end of the world to me. But i know it's not. It's just hard, you know?
Of course non of my true friends would come to comfort me, cause i had hoped for you guys, but now those 'true friends my ass', are you guys.

I meant my hellos, I meant my laughs. you have people that want to hang out with you. you have complete logical freedom. you have everything i could ever want.

I wanna be YOU GUYS for god's sakes. i can't even ride a bike!! Yeah, im terribly jealous.

Oh, was i really friends with afiq because i wanted to get close to him?
I was friends with him even before. We're maybe even closer now because i always wanted to talk to him. I try my best not to be pissed at you guys. Even i tell myself 'Eh bodo, sudah tu dah la'. Yeah, even i tell myself that. I don't know why i can't.
And i try my best to not call you guys cause im afraid i might get pissed again.

First you laugh then get pissed off or just 'Omigod, babi gile budak ni'
You don't have to say you laugh. Cause you write your words in anger. So you're laughing, you must not care then do you?

Who said i had any chances with him? I'm sorry if i giggle too much. That's just who i am. Sorry i make a big deal out of it, i can't help it. You know his friends and? You really think i think i had chances with him. I never said my dreams were down to earth. I never said im the awesomest person alive and everybody loves me. I never said i was the most creative person or whatsoever. I list down what i have to remind myself of the good things left in life. Please la, jgn menyebuk boleh ak?

Oh yeah, i also never said backstabbing was loyal. I never said i was loyal even. God, dulu i used to kutuk every single one of you except for shamimi. Whoah, i didn't? No, i haven't, and that wasn't sarcasm or so. I seriously was surprised at myself.
Who said i wasn't the problem. Heck the problem is the problem and the problem gets problems. Now problem sounds weird!

You think i don't wanna talk to you guys? Like i said before, you guys keep talking about the things i don't know about. Takkan nak menyampuk tetibe? I might've done it at times, but now it just gets awkward. Sorry im not smart enough to be in the same class. Sorry everyone underestimates me.

Oh yeah, you guys tak backstab jugak. Hey, i write it on my blog and face it alone, korg siap call each other lagi. Heck, no one is probably on my side. Of course not.

I probably wrote all those things and not care about what other people feels because i already am hurt.
Yeah, i do have friends. I do make an effort to forgive and forget. I wanna, everyday i know it's a new day, heck 2 seconds ago, the past.

No, im not grateful, i don't try to show my thanks at all. I'm always right, even at maths. I'm so selfish i don't buy gifts for anybody. I dont' say it face to face sebab malas. Like now, you guys are replying stuffs. And that's what i so don't want. I wanna let it all out Then BOOM! dah. tak puas hati lagi complain lagi, buat lah smpi ko diam. smpi ko bute. smpi ko lupe sudah. tak payah nk confrontation sume. but it turns out to be technically confronting anyways. Hmmph. god, NOW the line 'the past is the past' is working? bodoh. why not before, brain? why does it have to be now when they're hating on me, does it work? why can't it be at the beginning, the day after it happened, so that this crap wouldn't so call 'blossom' in a very bad way? Must be the bracelet. :D

God, you hate me too, don't you.

I don't know where i stand. That's why i'm complaining and im not standing on the side where im against you aren't i.
I don't know how to be successful, that's why i go to school and sit through exams and study to get a successful grade now do i.
I don't know how to be a good daughter, that's why im learning to control my anger, and put it all here so that i don't melawan dpn muke my own parents.
NO, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. I'M ALWAYS WRONG. I'M ALWAYS THE ONE NOT INVITING PEOPLE TO WATCH A MOVIE.

But hey, miracles can happen. My mom let me have a sleepover didn't she? [still not believing it!]

But thanks. For everything. For your thoughts on the blog. For letting me know what you think. Cause now, well, i know things. It may not be the best things like all your plans, but i do know what you feel. Now i feel more relieved than ever. I'm actually calm now. I always had to imagine how you guys would react. Now i know rightfully. But i wanna know, did you feel guilty at all? Not for everything. Just for the things you felt guilty for [if you ever did].

Again thanks. I actually really do feel better now. Now i'm in the mood for lollipops. This blog thing is good!!